Archive for the ‘introspection’ Category

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Three years of virtual living

February 15, 2010

Recently, I passed my third rez day. It was an event that came and went without celebration or special notice. It just happened, and to be honest, that was perfectly fine with me.

It’s funny how quickly rez days have lost their significance. On my first rez day, I was upset because of a misunderstanding with Tobie that I blew out of proportion. Wanting to make my second rez day special, I decided to hold a party at my skybox. My best friends in SL showed up, including some who had been long absent. I had a great time and felt that I was reconnecting with some of my SL friends. Unfortunately, this did not carry over through my second year, during which I was mostly absent.

As I start my third year, I’m wondering—as you’ve seen me do here before—whether or not my SL days are winding down. Second Life has been immensely valuable to me as I have explored aspects of myself that I either did not know existed or had effectively ignored. I found love on the grid that would be too taboo in my RL. I found friends that I care about as if they were here with me in Indiana (a fate I would not wish on any of them). I have become a better person. A person more willing to accept the totality of herself instead of only acknowledging those things that are deemed appropriate by those around her (though that doesn’t mean I share such things with them—I still have a ways to go before that!). A person who—and forgive me for the cheesiness of this statement—is more willing to follow her heart.

At the moment, there isn’t a whole lot to draw me into SL. I keep trying to rekindle interest through creative projects, but they take up so much time that I find myself hesitant to work on them. I completed the latest chapter of Kyūketsuki recently, but I let so much time pass between chapters that interest has waned. I love that some of you are still willing to hold out for each successive chapter, but the goal of a writer is to be read, and very few people are reading what I’ve written. Again, I understand this entirely, but my understanding does not sustain my interest.

My relationship with SL kinda feels like one with an SO I’ve let go too long. The excitement has passed, and now we sit together, not doing much, just tolerating each other’s company. In a way, we know the end is inevitable, but there are so many good times in the past we hope can return that we continue to hold on.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts as I enter my third year. It could be that tomorrow I suddenly feel like I can’t live without SL. It will take a large change in direction, though. To be cliché, stranger things *have* happened 🙂

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Does SL have an expiration date?

September 17, 2009

I know we all grow disenchanted with SL from time to time, but it seems that more and more of the people who I became friends with during my early SL days are going away. Now, I can’t criticize (not that I would), as I have gone through long periods of absence in my two-and-one-half years in SL and likely would not be on very much now if one of my RL friends hadn’t started going in world, but it seems that very few of the people who I met and became friends with in my early days are around anymore.

Hence my question: does SL have an expiration date?

It just seems that we all start SL, become interested in the possibilities, form friendships, maybe get into a relationship (which will probably—maybe inevitably—end in heartache), try our hands at building or designing or whatever . . . and then we hit the point where we’re not sure why it is we’re logging in. Our friends aren’t around as much. We’ve seen all the really interesting places. We’ve given up on flirting due to a bad break-up. Things just happen that diminish the enjoyment we once had.

I’m fighting to keep SL fresh and interesting, and watching my friend establish herself in world is helping, but I’m not sure if this is just what I need to revive my interest or if I’m just keeping SL on life support, not wanting to finally let go.

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Rezolutions

December 31, 2008

I wonder how many bloggers have already used that title today. Probably more than I want to know 🙂

Anyway, it’s New Year’s Eve 2008, and I have blogged zero times this month, so here’s my last-ditch effort to prevent this from being the only postless month in the history of Streeter Scene.

I would like to fill this post with actual resolutions, but those are like promises, and I haven’t been too good at keeping promises lately. I promise to e-mail people, and I don’t. I promise to log onto SL more, but I’m mostly absent. I promise a new Kyūketsuki post, but it doesn’t come.

It seems that whatever purpose SL once served for me has nearly disappeared. A lot of the people I came to care about in SL have either left the platform or are mostly absent. It’s the nature of the internet. People come and go as RL dictates. You can’t expect any permanency and have to enjoy things while they last.

I guess if I have to come up with a resolution (because I can feel you forcing me to 😛 ), it would be to really appreciate each relationship as it comes and try to remember only the good when it goes away. To allow myself to care about and love my friends but let them go when the time comes.

And I do love all of you who have been special to me over the nearly two years I’ve been in SL. There are so many people I have come across and been fortunate to include in my SLife. I cherish all the conversations and good times we have had together.

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope the best for you all 🙂

Random pic I took tonight

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One Art

August 21, 2008

One of my favorite poems of all time is “One Art” by Elizabeth Bishop. It seems to suit my mood at the moment.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

–Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.