Sunday morning neurosis

December 23, 2007

This morning, I commented on a post on Raul Crimson’s blog in which he talks about the differences in his behavior between when he’s wearing his usual shape and when he wears his female shape. In the comments, I shared my views on the matter, stating that it’s not just a difference between male and female, but a difference in socially recognized roles that causes us to behave differently. I gave an experience I had in SL last night as an example. I was wearing a different shape than my normal one and appeared more grungy than usual. When approached by a male avie asking for sex while I was out, I had an impulse to say, “F**k off,” which I attributed to the shape I was in. I thought it seemed an appropriate response for my appearance at the time, though I didn’t go ahead and say it.

The more I think about it, though, that response can’t just be spawned by a change in appearance. How many times do I actually want to say, “F**k off,” but because it doesn’t fit within my identity, I don’t do it?

Looking around at comments I’ve made and things I’ve written on this blog, I come off as analytical, introspective, maybe *occasionally* insightful . . . but not very human. I mean, I talk about emotions and the like frequently enough, but it seems like everything I say is run through a politically correct filter, so that I reply to yet another tactless avie with, “No, thank you,” instead of the much more to the point, “F**k off.”

I don’t know. I’m just wondering how much of what I write comes off as sincere, and how much of it just seems like I know the right thing to say and am saying it. At times, I feel more like someone studying the human race—finding patterns and sharing conclusions—than someone who is a part of it.

Anyway, that’s my neurosis for this Sunday morning. Maybe a few more cups of coffee will cure it . . . 😉



  1. We have a lot in common on this. I have a reputation for analysis, but I think everyone learns and models behaviour that they see in others to some extent. We know kids do that and it doesn’t stop as adults. Plus it’s a natural animal instinct in us to adapt to our environment, and that extends to learning the right way to say something. When you come to say something important are people more likely to listen to you if you have proven yourself good with words and considerate of others or if you are the kind that just uses quick course retorts. It’s sign of intelligence to think about what you say, not a lack of humanity – quite the contrary.

    None of which stops you role-playing the other side of things if you want to, especially in a comparatively safe environment like SL, if you feel you would learn from the experience.

    Oh, and it’s also incredibly human to doubt yourself, just be true to yourself in all your diversity 🙂

  2. You, Chloe, and Wolf have helped me a lot in this post. I was feeling a bit “neurotic” also, as you read in my post.
    As Wolf says, i presume both behaviours are quite human, acting following the role you are supposed to follow and think about what you say.
    As humans we are social, but as humans we are individuals at the same time, and, maybe, some of our inner psycological problems are due to try to make compatible both sides, the social and the individual.

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