Recently, I passed my third rez day. It was an event that came and went without celebration or special notice. It just happened, and to be honest, that was perfectly fine with me.
It’s funny how quickly rez days have lost their significance. On my first rez day, I was upset because of a misunderstanding with Tobie that I blew out of proportion. Wanting to make my second rez day special, I decided to hold a party at my skybox. My best friends in SL showed up, including some who had been long absent. I had a great time and felt that I was reconnecting with some of my SL friends. Unfortunately, this did not carry over through my second year, during which I was mostly absent.
As I start my third year, I’m wondering—as you’ve seen me do here before—whether or not my SL days are winding down. Second Life has been immensely valuable to me as I have explored aspects of myself that I either did not know existed or had effectively ignored. I found love on the grid that would be too taboo in my RL. I found friends that I care about as if they were here with me in Indiana (a fate I would not wish on any of them). I have become a better person. A person more willing to accept the totality of herself instead of only acknowledging those things that are deemed appropriate by those around her (though that doesn’t mean I share such things with them—I still have a ways to go before that!). A person who—and forgive me for the cheesiness of this statement—is more willing to follow her heart.
At the moment, there isn’t a whole lot to draw me into SL. I keep trying to rekindle interest through creative projects, but they take up so much time that I find myself hesitant to work on them. I completed the latest chapter of Kyūketsuki recently, but I let so much time pass between chapters that interest has waned. I love that some of you are still willing to hold out for each successive chapter, but the goal of a writer is to be read, and very few people are reading what I’ve written. Again, I understand this entirely, but my understanding does not sustain my interest.
My relationship with SL kinda feels like one with an SO I’ve let go too long. The excitement has passed, and now we sit together, not doing much, just tolerating each other’s company. In a way, we know the end is inevitable, but there are so many good times in the past we hope can return that we continue to hold on.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts as I enter my third year. It could be that tomorrow I suddenly feel like I can’t live without SL. It will take a large change in direction, though. To be cliché, stranger things *have* happened